Monday, November 17, 2008

Heart Broken & Confused

I don't want to get into too much detail, but being this is my personal online journal, I had to write something down today that has been weighing down on my heart.

I was out of town over the weekend, a short but much needed get away. I came home Sunday afternoon only to discover that one of my dear friends had packed up all her belongings and moved away. Not a trace was left of her...not a forwarding address, not a working phone number, not even a good email address. I have been worried about this friend for some time now and have always felt as if I should do more to make things better for her. I guess even though we may have the best intentions to help a loved one (a friend or family member) we may not fully understand what it is they need help with.

I guess the part of this whole thing that breaks my heart the most is I NEVER thought SHE would leave without at the very least saying goodbye.

I have played in my head over and over, WAS IT SOMETHING I SAID OR DID? but I truly cannot come up with anything. I almost feel like I wish it was something I said or did because then it might make some sense to me.

I picked up the kids from their Uncle's house and headed to the store...the kids and I shopped for birthday gifts for her two children-because they both had recent birthdays and hadn't yet had a party to celebrate. I found the last 2 seasons of FRIENDS and bought them with excitement because this was something my friend and I would do in the evenings together and we were about to finish the series. Only to discover that she is GONE.

Now I am worried....worried for what she is going through. Worried about the state of mind she must be in, to leave without a call/a text or a short note to say Goodbye....to say, she had to leave. To say she'd call me to let me know when she arrives safely.
I WORRY.

I wish I could stop feeling responsible for this whole situation. I feel in my heart that I did what I could do to help a friend in need. She had a lot on her plate. Single mother, finding her career path, a dead beat husband/father of her children, financial struggles, self esteem issues. No matter what her struggles are/were, she was such a beautiful person inside and out to me and those who got to know her and I will miss her always. I can only hope and pray that she is okay and that she will find her way back home...wherever that may be.

Please pray for my friend...her name I will not mention, but please pray for her and her kids.

Thank you!

2 comments:

April said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. Please don't feel as if YOU have done something wrong. It sounds like your friend has a lot on her plate and might be completely overwhelmed and trying to "escape". I hope you hear from her soon!

Stephanie said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. Please know that you did NOTHING wrong. Some people just need space. I hope you hear from her soon and that she is doing ok. I will say a prayer for her and her children :(